The end of an era

So I gave internet dating a shot. (did I mention that pretty much everyone I've written about thus far I met on okcupid.com? I didn't? oh. surprise!)  What did I get from it?

• A threesome
• a bunch of bruises (the good kind) 
• illicit sex in an alleyway
• at least one love song.  

Not too bad.

I made it out alive with nary a bruised ego.

Well, there was the one cute older guy I had sushi with.  He worked for some software company that handled proprietary new ideas and was so proprietary he basically couldn’t tell me anything about it.  But he had rakish black curls and an easy going manner, and I was ready to  make out with him right away even if he was working for the next Manhattan Project.

I thought the date was going splendidly, until he dropped me off on my doorstep, gave me a hug and said “Well, we know how to get a hold of each other.”

Whoa.

Shit. I thought.  I guess that date didn’t go so well. 

I mean, it’s one thing to not call, but the sympathy hug paired with the “we know how to get a hold of each other” line is date-talk for “I hate you.”

Oh well. As a not very successful dating website once said: there are “plenty of fish.”

Maybe I’ll try meeting people the old fashioned way. 

I’ll have my father gather my dowry and plan a trip to the next township.  I can’t wait to meet some Austrian aristocracy.  

Every third person

There are certain moments when your life flashes before your eyes. Sometimes its when you find yourself in the back of the SF Underground in the lower Haight sitting on the lap of the girl you have a crush on and watching someone you’ve seen in porn get fisted.  And then of course, the speed at which your life is flashing only increases when the person stops getting fisted and starts getting fucked with some one’s foot.

Your life also flashes before your eyes as you wait in your room listening to Regina Spektor at 3am, awaiting a BDSM porn star you met on the internet to come over and beat the shit out of you.

Or when you end up having a threesome with your boss and the innocent looking girl at work, and you realize that the innocent looking girl –braces and all—has kind of a mean streak as she digs her nails into your ass cheeks.

 Does that ever happen to you?

My life has been flashing before my eyes a lot lately.  

And it seems that every third person I see on the street is someone I’ve seen in porn or someone I’ve “winked” at on OkCupid.